“As A Jew” Jews, The Seder’s Wicked Son

For many years during the Passover seder I have struggled with how to handle “the wicked son.” We are told that there are four sons: wise, wicked, simple and one who doesn’t know how to ask. Says the hagaddah: “What does the wicked son say? ‘What does this ritual mean to you?’ To you and not to him. Since he excludes himself from the community, he has denied a basic principle of Judaism. You should blunt his teeth by saying to him: ‘It is for the sake of this that Hashem did for me when I left Egypt.’ For me and not for him. If he was there he would not have been redeemed.”

This exchange always felt so harsh. Sure, a kid can be rebellious, but must we respond so sharply? Do we just cut this wicked son out of our nation? I have worked with Jews who have been hurt in the Jewish community before, who rightly feel burned by the system (and their family for failing them) but when push comes to shove, they are here with their people, recognizing that their destiny and the Jewish people are intertwined, one in the same.

Unfortunately, there is a kind of Jew we are hearing from more often since October 7 – the “as a Jew” Jews, the JVP Jews. The Jews who only invoke their Jewishness in order to condemn their people. They offer themselves up to the world as the “good Jew,” the Jew worth saving, as they throw the rest of the Jewish world under the bus.

As I read about the wicked son at this year’s Seder, I finally understood the sad reality of not engaging with this kind of Jew. “Blunt his teeth” or “block and delete” in social media terms. A Jew like this will only rejoin the community when he has decided to take an honest look at his people and their values and actual history. And until or unless he does, he is cut off. He would not have been redeemed in Egypt and he will not merit to be part of the Jewish’s people’s final redemption.

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4 comments

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Betty kaiman says on April 25, 2024
To me they are like the kappos of the camps my father used to talk about
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Rashi Rosenzweig says on April 26, 2024
They’re much worse than Kapos. They should’ve learned their lesson from 80 years ago and here they are repeating the same vile behaviors. Need to throw in that they have absolutely zero respect for themselves.
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Simone Shapiro says on April 26, 2024
An unfortunate truth about some Jews, that, as you said, goes all the way, back from Egypt to today’s news! Heart-breaking, upsetting, and incomprehensible.
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Gary Schwartz says on April 27, 2024
May I suggest ” The Wicked Son” by David Mamet(2006). A brilliant and provocative look at an insidious predilection among some Jews to seek truth and meaning anywhere (other religions,political movements,mindless entertainment) – but in Judaism itself.
And how we still remain the Wicked Son in the eyes of the world.
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Allison Josephs

Allison Josephs is the founder and executive director of Jew in the City has been involved in the field of Jewish Outreach for over twenty years and is the Partner in Torah mentor to actress Mayim Bialik. She was named one of NJOP’s Top Ten Jewish Influencers and one of the Jewish Week’s 36 under 36. Allison has been quoted or written about in numerous publications, including The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, People Magazine, NYPost, Daily News, TMZ, The Daily Beast, and Hollywood Reporter. She has appeared on numerous television and radio networks including CBS, ABC, Fox5, TLC, Associate Press TV, and NPR; her articles have appeared in publications including The Washington Post, JTA, Jewish Week, Jerusalem Post, The Forward, and Kveller. Pearson Education, the largest textbook company in the world, produced a video segment on Allison’s life for the Judaism chapter of their textbook. She is a sought-after international lecturer whose corporate clients include Con-Edison and NYU Langone and hosts a weekly podcast on the Nachum Segal Network. She received her Bachelor of Arts from Columbia University in Philosophy and lives with her husband and four children minutes from the George Washington Bridge.