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Why OMI’s “Cheerleader” Is Nothing Like a Jewish Wife

Why OMI’s “Cheerleader” Is Nothing Like a Jewish Wife

There’s a new “Cheerleader” in town – a song that’s been playing on the radio (and now in my head) non-stop. At first blush, it seems kind of sweet: the singer “OMI” (don’t ask me why there are only capital letter in his name – at least he has one) found a wonderful girl, even his mom likes her, and he’s going to ask her to marry him. What’s not to like? But as I sang the lyrics again and again and again, I realized there is something kind of creepy about this song. I also realized how very different the Jewish perspective on a husband wife relationship is:

She is always in my corner
Right there when I want her
Oh, I think that I’ve found myself a cheerleader
She is always right there when I need her
She walks like a model
She grants my wishes
Like a genie in a bottle.

OMI might want a cheerleader for a wife who never disagrees with her man, extols his every move, and fulfills his every desire, but the classic Jewish approach to marriage – which is based on the relationship between Adam and Chava (Eve) in Bereishis (Genesis) – despite being over three thousand years ago – is surprisingly more progressive than the hit song of the summer of 2015. Why? Because according to the Torah, a wife is not supposed to be his “cheerleader.” She’s supposed to be an “ezer k’negdo” – his helpmate who opposes him.

Now that’s not to say that a wife shouldn’t be part “cheerleader” in the part where she’s his “helper.” Women (and men) should stand by their respective spouses whenever possible, loving them and encouraging them. But the Torah, which is often accused of misogyny (not that there aren’t some challenging sections) adds a second part which OMI’s song is missing: a wife is supposed to push back sometimes by “opposing” him. She can only be his “helper” if she has the freedom to speak her mind, tell him when he’s wrong, and make him better than when he met her. Now that is the type of relationship worth cheering for!

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4 comments

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Sara Millett says on August 11, 2015
I really enjoyed reading this post. I think more people need to see it. Unfortunately there are a lot of religious people who think a wife being her husband’s helper means she’s a servant and her place is to cook, clean, do laundry, and general domestic chores, make babies of course, and keep her mouth shut.

Fortunately, though, there are others who know the truth. I was reading on a Christian website about what the word ezer means and one of my favorite quotes was that Moses named his first born son in Egypt “Eliezer” meaning “God is my helper” “not because God has done Moses’ laundry, but because God had delivered Moses from Pharoah’s sword”.
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Allison Josephs says on August 11, 2015
Thanks for your comment, Sara. I’m not sure what religious people you know, but the Orthodox women I know are almost all quite outspoken. But I agree – whoever is not should know that this is the Torah perspective.
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Sara Millett says on August 12, 2015
I don’t know these people personally, I just see them online.
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Lawrence Fleck says on August 12, 2015
I finally figured out that this is your website.
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Allison Josephs

Allison Josephs is the founder and executive director of Jew in the City has been involved in the field of Jewish Outreach for over twenty years and is the Partner in Torah mentor to actress Mayim Bialik. She was named one of NJOP’s Top Ten Jewish Influencers and one of the Jewish Week’s 36 under 36. Allison has been quoted or written about in numerous publications, including The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, People Magazine, NYPost, Daily News, TMZ, The Daily Beast, and Hollywood Reporter. She has appeared on numerous television and radio networks including CBS, ABC, Fox5, TLC, Associate Press TV, and NPR; her articles have appeared in publications including The Washington Post, JTA, Jewish Week, Jerusalem Post, The Forward, and Kveller. Pearson Education, the largest textbook company in the world, produced a video segment on Allison’s life for the Judaism chapter of their textbook. She is a sought-after international lecturer whose corporate clients include Con-Edison and NYU Langone and hosts a weekly podcast on the Nachum Segal Network. She received her Bachelor of Arts from Columbia University in Philosophy and lives with her husband and four children minutes from the George Washington Bridge.