David Schoen’s Water Drinking And The Hypocrisy Of The Closed-Minded “Open-Minded” People

Instead of debating the merits (or lack there of) of the Senate Impeachment trial yesterday, most of Twitter was abuzz with a far more important topic: why President Trump’s Orthodox Jewish lawyer, David Schoen, put his hand on his head every time he drank water. No one knows the exact reason. Schoen normally wears a yarmulke, but apparently wasn’t sure if it was appropriate or distracting to wear it on the Senate floor. However, as an observant Jew, whenever he makes a blessing before or after eating or drinking, he covers his head. He continued to put his hand on his head each time he drank, leading some to wonder if it was an unconscious reflex to “hold” the phantom yarmulke in place as he tilted his head back to drink. Whatever the reason, it was almost certainly religiously motivated. Yet his many detractors – most of them who I imagine consider themselves open-minded and into diversity – didn’t seem to care.

Snarky comments like: “If David Schoen doesn’t cover the hole in the top of his skull with his hand, water squirts out when he drinks,” and, “Omg! Schoen had to hold his head on to sip some water!       ,” are all over Twitter.

Even after many of these people were informed that the reason was a religious one, the original Tweets were not deleted. Some people noted that they didn’t mean to offend. But if you mock religious Jews, you don’t have to delete your snarky tweet and beg for forgiveness. You certainly don’t have to worry about getting canceled.

To clarify – I hate the idea of getting canceled. Everyone will say something wrong in his or her lifetime and when most people have a megaphone via social media, chances are those words could be public at some point. But everyone should get a chance to apologize and do better, not get destroyed.

At the same time, I’m feeling increasingly annoyed by the people who claim to care about diversity, inclusivity, and equality, yet seem to think that only some people are worthy of respect. People who are proudly closed-minded is also not a great look, but at least they don’t pretend to be better than they are! Indeed, there is something especially pernicious when you hold yourself up to a higher standard and then don’t even attempt to meet that standard.

Last week, a couple people who claim to care about women’s rights felt the need to criticize the Orthodox practice of a married woman covering her hair. We made a video on the topic that is not meant to preach or judge – simply explain the reason and meaning many Orthodox Jewish choose to follow this law. First, a man name Eric wrote on YouTube, “Makes me sad that a silly thing that is used to control women is being taken seriously at all. Are there any religions where men are the second class citizens? Sure doesn’t seem like it.”

I responded to Eric, “Thanks for your comment, Eric. I know you believe you’re doing right by women to protect us from the “patriarchy,” and there are certainly some women who need that protection whether their being controlled by men is to make them ultra-modest or hyper-sexualized. But what you’re forgetting is that a whole bunch of us modest dressers and hair-coverers are making a self-actualized choice to add meaning to our lives. When you call our practice silly, you are actually the one degrading women, because we’ve used our womenly brains and souls to make these spiritual choices. If a modestly dressed woman is not your thing, don’t marry one or teach the concept to your daughters. But please allow those of us who proudly choose this to receive the basic respect we deserve as fellow human beings.”

I posted this exchange on Facebook, and another commenter, a woman this time, chimed in, “I agree with Eric. Choosing to wear wigs and look like Russian peasants is choosing patriarchy.”

I was perplexed by this statement and responded, “I thought feminism meant supporting women’s right to choose.”

The woman then replied, “Wanting to return to shtetl life is not true feminism.”

To which I asked, “Who gets to determine what ideas are OK and what we women are not allowed to do? This doesn’t sound liberated at all.”

I find it maddening that Orthodox Jews are known to be the closed-minded ones (and sure, some of us are!) yet many people who support progressive and feminist values don’t actually believe in the right to live one’s life (if the behavior is not harming anyone) without getting mocked and judged. What ever happened to “live and let live” or “agree to disagree?” We need to demand that people do better and the first step is calling out the double standard. Please help us start this conversation across social media by sharing this article and asking your community to let Orthodox Jews practice and dress how we see fit.

If you found this content meaningful and want to help further our mission through our Keter, Makom, and Tikun branches, please consider becoming a Change Maker today.



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  • Avatar photo Baila Stober says on February 12, 2021

    I totally agree with this that we can agree to disagree, and live and let live.
    And I agree with the fact that being more progressing does not necessarily mean more open minded, less judgemental, or having a better character. It is very very hard to work on our characters and learn not to judge and criticize, but by criticizing others who are critical, we are sort of doing the same thing as they are doing-criticizing.

    • Avatar photo Allison Josephs says on February 12, 2021

      Thanks for your comment, Baila. I hear the argument that criticizing those who are criticizing is doing the same thing. But here’s why I think it’s different: I don’t find the need to go to videos, articles or online posts that promote values that I disagree with and proselytize. I built an organization to educate people (who are interested) to learn the how’s and why’s of Orthodoxy. If someone thinks it’s stupid or not for them, it’s their right. But why be rude about it. When a person is just trying to be a lawyer and gets mocked for his behavior or a person is creating educational content and gets mocked for their practices, others are now stepping into our space, and staying silent means that this will never end. If we verbalize that they can live their lives as they see fit and we’d appreciate the same tolerance to do the same, then we can be on equal footing.

      • Avatar photo Meir Silver says on February 27, 2021

        Dear Mrs. Joseph,

        Unfortunately, the world has many people that exhibit a lack of clarity in their opinions. We know that Ilhan Omar also covers her hair. What do these same people who deride Jewish say about the Muslim practices of Ilhan Omar?

        In general (there are always exceptions) Many of these so-called liberals are accepting of all kinds of deviant behavior, immodesty, and the like, but their hypocrisy shows when it comes to accepting the practices of the Jewish people. Not e

  • Avatar photo Jacob says on February 12, 2021

    Allison Josephs is spot on….again.

    While the rest of us grumble about the outrageous treatment orthodox jews have gotten used to, she actually articulates sound arguments, and gets the word out that orthodox jews, (get ready for this news flash), are humans as well,(shocking!!), and deserve
    ” some” mode of civility( again, shocking!!).

    Keep up your good work. Everyone should donate to this org., or else one day,we will wake up and find it illegal for a women to cover her hair( of course it will be bc it hides the true ID of the person, or it is an abuse of global human rights), or some other mandate to protect from the insidious ” unorthodox” practices of the ” orthodox”.
    When personal lifestyle and or religious choices, are openly degraded, by individuals with the ability to legislate laws that override those choices, we can one day lose what we have cherished about this great country,over all the other countries we have suffered under, it is the basic right, to live in peace from religious persecution. This is increasingly not the case anymore, and it is alarming.

  • Avatar photo Hana Trisia says on February 15, 2021

    ‘ But please allow those of us who proudly choose this to receive the basic respect we deserve as fellow human beings. ‘ …. ‘ [M]any people who support progressive and feminist values don’t actually believe in the right to live one’s life (if the behavior is not harming anyone) without getting mocked and judged. What ever happened to “live and let live” or “agree to disagree?” ‘ —- Applies in spades to those of us who have chosen to be Jews; while there are the few Jews who dismiss me, there are far more leftists who would erase me and some on the right who think I am the root of all evil. Nah, just an old lady trying to be a good Jew.

    • Avatar photo Chanie Weiss says on February 8, 2023

      Hmmm… It never occurred to me that someone who chose to be Jewish would get different treatment from “liberals”, etc., than I would. And it’s quite a shame that any Jew would give you a hard time, ignore you, etc.

  • Avatar photo Johnathan says on February 18, 2021

    Thank you again Allison. Another well written post.

  • Avatar photo Jess says on February 24, 2021

    I am not orthodox and I do not cover my hair, but I respect that a lot of women make that choice for themselves, and their choice should be respected. It should be the same for hijab.

  • Avatar photo Gabrielle N bryen says on February 26, 2021

    Alison, I completely agree! I’m not sure when it became ok to bully people for their choices whether we agree with them or not. Everyone is deserving of humane treatment. I have problems when others feel that they are the morality police and that it is ok to attack those who have a different view.

  • Avatar photo Arlene Appelrouth says on September 27, 2021

    I agree with Allison that as Jewish women we have the right to choose how to interpret the laws covering our hair or what it means to dress modestly. What I’m troubled by is the “we’re right and you’re wrong” attitude women have about the choices they make.I believe in a live and let live philosophy and find it disturbing when women are condemned for their choices. I think we need to teach our children we’re all one family, and we accept all other Jews as family, whether they cover their hair, their knees for their elbows!

    • Avatar photo Allison Josephs says on September 27, 2021

      Exactly. Our sages teach in Pirkei Avos, “don’t judge another man until you have stood in his place.”

  • Avatar photo Moshe & Batya says on April 29, 2022

    Thank you for your site. The person criticizing you for being critical is not paying attention to how you did it. You did not criticize by putting someone down. You just explained how the way they said things was degrading.
    My wife and I do disagree with you about “more beautiful than your own hair” still being tzanuah. Tzniut means [in our opinion] not drawing attention to one’s self.
    Also, I [Moshe] would like to ask you if you remember who said the following line. I remember watching a show many years ago where one of the main advocates for Feminism said was asked if she thought her movement was successful. She said something like: I think it was important to make Men and Women equal… BUT we should have lifted up the men to be like women… instead of make women to be like men.


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